$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
