I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
