I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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