Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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