Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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