Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
