somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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