I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
