recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
