I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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