Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
