pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
