I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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