I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How naked do you want me to be?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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