Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
