they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
