youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
