tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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