You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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