He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
