The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
