The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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