i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
