tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
