Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
