its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
