and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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