dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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