Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
