The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
