I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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