I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
