he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everything about him screamed your future.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
