Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
