please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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