i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
