I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
