Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
