and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
