im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
