I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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