THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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