my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
