Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
