No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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