for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
