So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize