You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
