Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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