It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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