it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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