I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
