R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
