my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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