It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
