So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
