I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
