All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
