Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
