Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Michael Bay diarrhea
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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