girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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