good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You pole danced in your parka.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
