gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
