i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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