i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
