Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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